It’s finally spring, and my lawn (particularly the front lawn) is about half dead. It’s particularly jarring since I live right in the middle of several retired gardeners with lush green everywhere.
The crappy lawn really got to me last week. I’ve become That Neighbor. I remember living next to That Neighbor. Yuck. Despite friends telling me not to worry, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It took me a few days to figure out why this bothered me so.
The lawn is a visual reminder of how drastically my life has changed in the last year. Continue reading “Lessons from The Dead Lawn”
My kids started tee ball last month and absolutely love it. Last week, though, the coach was out of town and asked for a volunteer to help organize the game and team pictures.
I said No. I have no experience with tee ball (or any other ball for that matter.) Another parent stepped in.
A few hours before the game, I managed to sprain my foot. I iced it, wrapped it, and hobbled off to watch my boys. The parent who took over asked me, limping and grimacing in pain and all, to help out. Continue reading “The Power of No and Spoon Preservation”
People will often ask me, “How are you?” For a spoonie on the kidney transplant list, that’s a loaded question. How do I answer?
I could spew the whole unvarnished truth. “Well, you know, I’m exhausted. I’m short of breath, various parts hurt, I’m worried about how my health is impacting my marriage/kids/finances/career, I have to choose my wardrobe based on what the day’s symptoms are, the meds cause wild weight fluctuations, and sometimes the renal diet is a regular bummer. Potatoes, amirite? How are you?”
Yeah, no one wants to hear that.
The alternative is, “Fine, and you?” That’s not very truthful. I’m not fine.
I’m learning that as I get sicker and navigate what my new normal is, not being everyone else’s version of okay is really okay. Continue reading “I’m Okay, You’re Okay”
My body isn’t behaving the way I want it or expect it to, and that’s a real struggle.
A prime example is what happened Saturday. I worked a short (and mercifully easy) shift, then came home and changed my clothes. The goal was to get my kids out of the house for a few hours and to give my husband a break. The boys and I loaded into my car and drove to a playground. To my joy, they had painted hopscotch boards.
Back in middle school I was a hopscotch queen. I’d spend all recess with my girlfriends playing. I could hop a board in no time flat.
Well, now I’m 41. And then there’s the added nastiness of my kidney failure and the breath stealing anemia. I temporarily forgot how sick I was, until I completed half my turn. My kids were watching, and I had to finish, but I did it while gasping for breath. Continue reading “Finding My “New Normal””