For years I had a skewed idea of the path I should follow in life. I thought I had to accomplish big things and make monumental changes to the world around me in order for my life to matter.
This was a recipe for massive discontent and frustration. As my health situation changed and my ability to make the kind of contributions I wanted waned, I grew increasingly anxious and depressed. When my self worth is tied into my perceived output and career goals, I feel like a failure when I “underachieve.”
Why so much pressure? Continue reading “Finding and Cultivating Joy”
A couple of months ago, I asked my doctor for a prescription to help the awful anxiety that began to crush me. The Xanax helps immensely, but it’s not a good long term option.
Last month I had my yearly well woman exam. After talking with my therapist and nephrologist about safe options, I ran it past my gynecologist. All of them agreed Effexor would be a safe option for me to try with the fewest side effects. My fantastic gyno called in the prescription for the generic extended release version. Due to my poor kidney function and slow med clearance, I wanted to try the lowest dose possible. 37.5 mg capsules, here I come. Continue reading “Mother’s Little Helper, Pt. 2: Moving the Elephant”
What a drag, it is getting old. Over the last several weeks, my smile slipped. Scratch that, it expatriated to a foreign shore with no return date. I realized I needed help when the anxiety overran my life and I had full blown panic attacks.
Not this, not now. Since medical cannabis isn’t legal in my state (and forbidden for transplant hopefuls even in legal states) it was time to talk prescription pills.
Continue reading “Mother’s Little Helper”
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve had some great conversations in person and online with other spoonies about illness, particularly invisible illness, and interacting in public. What’s normal?
I’ve noticed the reactions when I go out since I’ve had the broken foot. I feel like I take up a considerable amount of space and time Continue reading “Making it “Normal””
Lately I’ve invited strange men over while my husband is at work. They always leave with a payment in hand and a smile on their faces.
No, it’s not quite what you think. Since I got sick, my Ms. Fix It routine has gone on hold indefinitely. Continue reading “On Paying Strange Men”
It’s finally spring, and my lawn (particularly the front lawn) is about half dead. It’s particularly jarring since I live right in the middle of several retired gardeners with lush green everywhere.
The crappy lawn really got to me last week. I’ve become That Neighbor. I remember living next to That Neighbor. Yuck. Despite friends telling me not to worry, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It took me a few days to figure out why this bothered me so.
The lawn is a visual reminder of how drastically my life has changed in the last year. Continue reading “Lessons from The Dead Lawn”